Table or Booth (Sarah)

The first time I really acknowledged how out of control my weight had gotten was at a restaurant. My husband and I had requested a booth, as always. When I went to slide into the booth, I barely fit. I wedged myself in but the table dug into my stomach and I only felt like I could take shallow breaths. I was totally mortified and prayed that no one would notice. My husband looked across at me, concerned, and asked if I wanted to move to a table. I refused and spent the meal pretending everything was fine. Since then, going to a new restaurant can start an anxiety rise in my mind. Will they have big booths? Small booths? Should we just sit at a table, in case? I am sick of being ruled by anxieties that are in my power to change.






I have always been a chunky girl. My whole family immediate family is chunky, bar one sister. We are a family who loves food. Birthday? Pick a restaurant! Graduation? Where do you want to eat? It is a way our family bonds, which may not be the healthiest but it is what it is. I am also a master of justification. Well, so and so is eating that so I can too...as if what someone else is eating should have anything to do with what I am eating.




My biggest weakness is my picky picky eating. I hate vegetables. If left to my own devices, my diet would consist of Cheese, Meat, Bread, and Potatoes. I have been working hard to expand what I will eat in the last few years, but it is an uphill battle. The only vegetables I like are peas and green beans. I will eat corn on the cob occasionally. Other than that vegetables make me gag. I have got to find some way to eat them. I need to figure out a way to reset my palate.




As far as exercise goes, I need to quit making excuses and just do what I need to do. I bought a gazelle and used it everyday during the period when I lost twenty pounds. My only excuse for not keeping it up was that I didn't want to get up early during busy season to use it before work and I didn't want to do it later because then I wouldn't get the same full benefits as exercising in the morning would give me. What a stupid, ridiculous justification.




But, this is my recommitting myself. I am recommitting myself to Weight Watchers and changing my eating to a healthier frame of mind. I am recommitting myself to exercising and toning toward the body I want to have. I am recommitting myself to getting my body to where I am proud of it.




I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see, I am tired of being self-conscious and feeling awkward. I want to change my lifestyle so that I can live a healthy life and not worry about diseases and health issues down the road. I want to teach my children to live a healthy lifestyle so that they don't face the same struggles. I want to go to a restaurant and not worry about table or booth. It starts today.