Joining the club!! (Diane)

Why Hello!

My name is Diane, and I was allowed into this elite little group by the lovely ladies involved and I couldn't be more grateful. I've got a big goal in mind, with very little success.  Its time to cut the crap!

A little bit about me and my background...

As a child, I was always bigger than my peers. The first issue involved there is that I am tall, and I've always been tall. As a child, I was so tall that I was often thought to be older than my brother (who was actually 2 years older than me!). I towered above the other kids in my class and, let me tell you, that's no picnic. Sticking out makes you a target.

I was also bigger as in heavier, as well.  Part of it was my height, but the bigger part of it was my build.  The thing is, when you're a child you simply don't grasp the concept of different body types, different sizes, and never having the ability to look like a peer that is half your size. I was so miserable back then. I wanted to look like my tiny, adorable friends instead of the big, awkward child I was. Obviously, it never happened.

Now, all of this is not to say that I was ever "fat." I was never overweight, I was always in a healthy range; I mean, I wasn't athletic I was actually quite the couch potato. When I got to high school, not only had most of my peers caught up to my height, I discovered the dance team. I loved it!  Finally, something I was actually good at!!  Dance team in high school requires lots of exercise and with minimal effort, I maintained a pretty trim figure. On top of that, I ate fairly healthfully. I was at the top of my game back then, along with most other people you have ever and will ever meet.

Anyway.

I went to college and discovered a world of getting fast food late at night, alcohol, half-price appetizers at Applebees, more alcohol, and cigarettes. Despite all this, my first year at college I worked out almost every day and stayed in relatively good shape. I can't imagine how great of shape I would have been in had I not been splurging on my diet all the time. However, there came a year when I stopped working out, then attempted to stop smoking and was temporarily successful.  Here came the pounds. Then, about six months before I met my now husband, I took a trip to Europe to study abroad. There, I was introduced to the European way....quality eating and walking everywhere. That trip was the kick-off to a twenty pound weight loss that had me almost to my high school weight, and then I met my man.

We ate together. We drank together. We smoked together. He quit smoking and I've had the darnedest time quitting, off and on for years. I put on weight. He told me I was the hottest thing he'd ever seen. The weight didn't matter.  I put the same 20 pounds back on.  Then I lost it again before our wedding and let me tell you, I looked fantastic at that wedding. Oh man. I still look at those pictures and wonder where the heck she went.  The weight came back on post-wedding. Then, 3 and a half years after we got married, I got pregnant.

When I got pregnant, I took the advantage of eating whatever I wanted without exercising. That was a good excuse, right?  Plus, I immediately quit smoking. So again, what was I supposed to do?  I ate enough for four people while I was pregnant. The day I found out I was pregnant, I weighed in at 176. The day I gave birth at 41 weeks, I weighed in at 245.

Post-partum, I lost the standard 35 pounds.  That left me at 35 pounds over where I started. I attempted a weight loss plan and was mildly successful - down to 185. Then I started slowly letting it creep back on, and here I am.

Hello, Newman. (Seinfeld reference, look it up if necessary).

I know there's a glare, but I assure you there's a 1 in the front of that number (198.2).

I know what got me here. Pregnancy, sure. Also my love of alcohol (not while pregnant!). My love of pizza. My love of burgers and fries. My love of takeout. My husband's love of takeout that sabotages pretty much any diet I start.  My love of junk food that keeps me from standing up to my husband during said times. My love of cigarettes that keeps me a couch potato. My love of being a couch potato and my love of sleeping in that interferes with any workout attempts. Its all so, so bad.

I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for the thing that will finally make something *stick* for me. I'm looking for the inspiration. I'm looking for the motivation. I need that. Because I refuse to let my daughter see me like this as she grows up. I refuse to let her become the person I've become.

The other thing I refuse? I refuse to turn 30 looking like this. Right here, right now, I'm calling it - I will not let this be how it is on my 30th birthday.  I turn 30 in four months.

My goal loss is 50 pounds, which no, I don't expect to reach that by my birthday. But I certainly expect to be well on my way.  To top it off, I've signed up for a half-marathon (say WHAT?!?) with some friends in April. Even if I have to walk the thing, that's fine. But I'm going to attempt to run. And I've got to train for it!

So there you have it.  There are my goals.  Here goes Week 1, Day 1. I'll be checking in soon!